Sole Teacher~

Sole teacher,

of elusive, array real bright,

spread your wings,

with tiny little seeds ;

Who is it there behind you?

The one who had it ;

Johnny Hollow - Nova Heart -

Aku NAK ~

Dalam kehidupan aku tak akan berhenti cari kebahagiaan - Cita-cita aku, nak cari kebahagiaan dalam hidup.Ya, mungkin bunyi mcam skema dan fucking fake, tapi itulah yang aku nak dalam hidup.Aku percaya aku boleh bertanggungjawab pada diri aku sendiri dengan memilih cara hidup aku sendiri.

Pernah dengar term - "College, Work, Family" ? What I meant was, First you go to school, after you finish your studies you get to work. And then, arrives the moment where you got the urge to get married. And after that, - BOOM ! You got your children.

Wait for a sec, don't y'all think it's fucking boring?

I mean, this is your life brother. Your game, don't you think it's fucking boring? It's this breeding stupidity system that we have lived for years and unknowingly has been eating the shit out of us. Aku penah baca satu buku - lebih kurang macam buku la. Cerita pasai geng hitchhikers yang mengembara seluruh Asia dan Eropah. Berjalan dan merantau berdasarkan matlamat - Nak teroka dunia yang mereka huni ini, berkenalan dengan manusia dan tengok keindahan alam. 

Don't y'all think it's cool?

  - You can buy a beautiful car, but you can't buy a beautiful life - 

Bila fikir balik apa yang dia kata tu aku rasa betul jugak. Memang, boleh beli semua benda yang kita nak tapi kehidupan yang bahagia memang tak boleh beli kat mana-mana pun. Aku nak kehidupan yang penuh kebahagian. Life is too short depends on what you do. It's about the first time you get out of the house, and what you see is what you get.I want to see many things in my life, I wanna live life and learn the fact of life. One of my friend once ask - Don't you feel cheated?. I told her - I decided that this is not the story of a shut in stupid gal. This is a story of a girl who can find infinite beauty in anything she likes.

Life sometimes make me think, - why do i think this way? Why do i wish to live this kind of life? Why is my passion is not the same as others? How wonderful it is to be able to live as a free man and to travel everywhere you want. That is a beautiful life. That is enough for me.


- It's not about escape, it's about discovery -
 

Salah satu cara nak tengok keindahan dunia lg, aku lebih memilih cycling. Cyling is fucking COOL !
Ya tuhan, semoga satu hari nanti aku dapat buat semua ini. 

Life is beautiful - Let's get the fuck out and enjoy the beau baby ! 

The morning wind

Spread it's fresh smell,

We must get up and take that in,

That wind that lets us live.

Breath before it's gone.

 Traveling around the world - See the real world - Meet the real people

My Oath~

We're on , we're off , we're on and again for the final shit - We're Off . What's done is done. It's been a while, we have not seen each other. You've change and so do i. Our love changes too - Separation is to be the answer.

Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.

Though this feeling I can't change.
But please don't take it badly,
'Cause Lord knows I'm to blame.
But, if I stayed here with you,

Things just couldn't be the same.
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I can't change.
Lord help me, I can't change.

~

Good bye dude, you've been a great acquaintance of mine.

Thank You for teaching me about life and most importantly love,

~

Thank You for your time and attention,

Thank You for being there when i need you most,

Thank You for trusting me,

Thank You for everything.

~You'll always been my favourite~

Dah Benda Nak Jadi~ TAIK HANG!

Dah benda nak jadi, nak wat gena? Wa dah buat habeh pulun dah -----Yo bro, segala hang plan x jadi tu sebab hang x pulun buat sungguh-sungguh. Itu pasal lah, jangan jd bingai sangat. You did'nt get what you fucking want  because you did'nt work your fucknig ass off! Tuhan dah janji sama lu , "Lu pulun Wa bg sama lu, Wa takkan ubah naseb lu melainkan lu ubah nasib lu sendiri " ---So, hang nak bg alasan apa lg? PULUN la. Chill oke? Lu bukan sorg2, aku pun kadang-kadang bingai macam ni jugak. Besa la, when life puts you in a tough situation you sometimes lost and piss kn? Besa2. Chill ah!

Ni nak cerita ni, aku x renew licence moto aku sampai dah mampuih setahun pun aku x sedaq. P JPJ depa kata kena wat len. HAH! Padan muka, sapa suruh lu x amek tahu soal lesen? Salah aku ka? Aku pun x tahu. Damn ah jadi mcm ni! Abah kasi tahu sama aku kata, " Lu cari duit sendiri, wa dah habis 1k sama lu wat lu punya licence pastu lu x reti bertanggungjawab sama lu punya licence. Sikalang, lu usaha sendiri bg dapat balik lu punya licence! " - Lebih kurang macam tu lah. Lani, aku kena cari sendiri duit nak buat len lesen. Memang shit. Pasai tu aku kena kerja, cari punya cari dapat la keja kat kedai jamu Mustika Ratu. Masuk shift malam dr 5.30-10 mlm. Gaji ciput, tp tak pa- PENGALAMAN !

Dalam seminggu ada 1 hari kena kerja dr 10 pg sampai 7 mlm. Jatuh hari rabu. Gaji ciput mcm lanjio ! Tapi xpa, dgn rela hati aku mai sini nak belajaq cara orang berniaga. 

Mak wa kata " SEBELUM LU KERJA SAMA GENG MELAYU LU KENA KERJA SAMA GENG CINA DOLU" Dulu aku kerja dengan geng cina, then baru dengan geng Melayu. Lebih kurang sama ja attitude geng-geng ni.

Waffle dia lebih kurang macam ni la. Buleh bubuh jem - perisa strawberry, anggur, nenas, peanut butter and planta. Tp yg plg laku peanut butter. * Tokei bodoh - pelanggan banyak cari perisa chocolate, tp dia tak jual. Lu mmg fucking stupid ah sucker !

Attitude Geng-Geng Old Dogs a.k.a Bos Lu Lah !

~ p/s : Ni dedikasi untuk bos/tokei/old dog/suger dedi hampa yang shit. ~

1. Tokei kedekut cam cibai. Aku kerja kedai waffle dulu , kerja 12 jam. dr 10 pg sampai 10 mlm. Macam cilaka, penat nak mampuih. Kerja wat waffle, es krem, jagung campoq majerin dan ayaq. Tokei sial tu suruh aku bubuh sikit ja jem. " Aiyooo! Lu bubuh manyak sangat itu jem! Sapu sikit suda " Dalam hati aku kata "Daje lu tokei kedekut, wa bubuh sikit sgt nanti pelanggan kata nak banyak lanjio ! " - Tapi aku bubuh banyak jugak, dia tak dak wa bubuh banyak. Yala, customer mai, complain kata wa bubuh sikit sangat. Lagi pun you berniaga dengan orang. Kalau you kedekut mcm lanjio sapa mau beli ? 

2. Tokei tak kreatif/tak tepati kehendak pasaran/ego.

Tokei Melayu ni stai x leh terima teguran. Dia juai ikut berasa dia ja, samada benda tu diperlukan pasaran atau dak dia x peduli. Kalau pelanggan tu kata " Aku nak produk ni, tolong adakan secepat mungkin buleh?" , Tokei tu p balaih "Hang habaq kat dia ni bukan kedai pak dia" - Ni la tokei Melayu kita x leh terima teguran. Bagi aku, teguran patut dikira macam hint. Ni hint pelanggan suruh adakan produk tu sebab dia nak beli la cibai! Lu jangan ikut ego lu, lu meniaga sebab nak penuhi kehendak orang lain. Your business survival depends on them, If you treat them like shit, you'll get shit.

3. Suka suruh lu kerja lebih masa dengan bayaran yang sikit.Yang ni mmg celaka, tak boleh nk berbincang dah kalau jenis macam ni. Lu duduk, dia kata lu berat punggung malas kerja. Jenis ni juga stai main buli pekerja. Tambah2 yang pernah kerja kat kedai baju, kita lipat elok-elok, dia p punggah habeh! Lu mmg lanjio ah ! Kalau yang jenis macam ni selalunya supervisor la suka buli pekerja. Kadang-kadang depa ni jenis jelous, kalau ada budak yang baru masuk ditambah pulak dengan kerajinan dan kuat bekerjanya, mmg selalu la jd mangsa pembuli oleh geng-geng old dog ni. Aku cakap cenggini sbb mmg dah terjadi kat aku. Geng supervisor prominent+old dog ni mmg sakit mata tengok ada budak yang lebih rajin dari depa. Macam-macam lah geng ni buat, nak kasi malu lu, nak kasi spirit lu jatuh dan yang paling puas hati depa nak tengok lu blah, mengalah dan tarik diri. Fuck you old dog!

Old dogs/Lost dogs ni mmg suka dipuji dan dibodek - Cheap stuff punya act !

4. "Wa tak kira, lu kerja bawah wa lu mesti ikut cara wa buat bisnes!" - Stai x buleh terima perubahan dan idea baru. Hey fucker, zaman berubah, permintaan berubah and lu pom mesti berubah. Lu jangan ikut sangat kepala lu tu. Dalam kes ni, kedai tu asek jual benda yang sama sejak awal penubuhannya sampai lah ke kiamat. Asik-asik benda tu, warna tu, corak tu dan mak datuk tu. Benda yang sama ja. Lu memang hidup dalam dunia lu ah brother! Boring - Boring - Fucking Boring ! "Kalau lu pekerja baru--baru nak venture dalam bisnes lu jangan nak ajaq sama wa " - Daje ! Oke fine, wa kuli wa ikut ja lu nak kata apa. Lu punya bisnes hancur lu punya pasai. Janji cukup bulan lu bayar sama wa.You turf-your game-your rules ah. Betoi bos?

~

Chill sat kawan-kawan noh? 

Kita layan Bathory plak~ Kat sini aku nak ambek kesempatan ucapkan R.I.P buat Qourthon. Your loss is big dissapoinment to me. I love you brother, and you will never be forgotten.

~ Quorthon a.k.a Ace Thomas Forsberg ~

~ ( 1966 - 2004 ) ~

Viking Metal/Thrash Metal/Black Metal

Baca ja--------Tapi tak menilai dan mempersoalkan!

Aku dah lama tak menulis dekat blog ni. Aku tiada mood lah nak berblogging sejak akhir-akhir ni. Tak tahu sebab apa. Aku hanya tulis bila aku rasa nak menulis. Aku suka membaca, tapi malangnya aku jarang berfikir tentang apa yang aku baca. Berat sangat bagi aku untuk berfikir balik segala mak datuk yang aku baca. Malas betul! Tapi bila fikir balik, apa gunanya berhabis beratus ringgit beli buku, tapi haram tak baca. Kalau baca pun, adakah aku dapat nilai semula apa yang aku baca tu?

Orang tu boleh mengaku ------- " Eh, aku dah baca la buku ni, buku tu pun aku dah baca" tapi yang menjadi persoalannya adakah pembacaan itu memberi kesan kepada pemikiran dia dan cara dia melihat dunia melalui tindakan dia. Maksud yang aku cuba sampaikan, begini, kalaupun orang tu mengaku dia baca buku apa kejadah pun, adakah dia menilai semula pembacaan dia? Dan adakah pembacaan dia tu memberi kesan terhadap kematangan fikiran dia? Itulah masalah aku sekarang ni, aku baca tapi aku tak menilai dan aku jugak tidak mempersoalkannya balik. Oh Stupid me! Aku berlaku kejam pada diri aku sendiri. Bodoh betul la hang ni ain! Setuju? Sapa setuju angkat ketiak! (Aku setuju, yang aku mmg bodoh).

Sekarang ni, aku baca buku Suara Orang Buangan. Gila, best ah! Aku suka buku-buku soal perjuangan. Macam mana seseorang itu lalui kehidupan dengan cara dia sendiri------memilih untuk bergembira dengan kehidupan dengan acuan dia sendiri selagi tidak bertentangan dengan etika, moral dan tabi'e seorang manusia. Aku suka, dia bergembira dengan kehidupan melalui kebebasan menjadi diri sendiri. Tapi perlu aku ingatkan pada diri aku sendiri. Kebebasan itu ada harganya, tapi aku tak tahu dengan apa harus aku bayar harga sebuah kebebasan itu.

Aku baca buku tersebut. Tapi aku tak cuba pahami kemusykilan yang dihadapi oleh Prof.Nasr. Banyak maklumat yang aku peroleh, sangat banyak! Terutama sekali soal agama dan pentingnya mengkaji hukum agama dengan mengambil kira soal sejarah dan budaya apabila turunya sesuatu hukum atau wahyu kepada sesuatu kaum . Tidak mengapa, sekarang aku dah di bab 10, aku akan ulang lg proses membaca buku tu balik. Dan aku akan mencari segala persoalan dan rungkaikan jawapan bagi persoalan dan rasionalnya beliau berpendirian sedemikian. 

Prof . Nasr Hamid Abu Zaid

Setakat ni, aku sangat mengkagumi usaha dan keazaman dia dalam melalui kehidupan sebagai seorang yang dibuang oleh masyarakatnya sendiri---negara kelahirannya sendiri---Mesir. Dia dituduh sebagai seorang murtad hanya kerana beliau berpendirian bahawa, dalam soal mengkaji makna teks iaitu Al-Qur'an, penting bagi kita untuk memahami bahawa sejarah dan budaya sesuatu kaum di saat wahyu itu diturunkan kepada mereka--- ada perkaitan antara sejarah,budaya masyarakat, politik dan waktu/tahun/masa wahyu itu diturunkan meskipun Al-Qur'an itu sendiri tidak menyatakan tarikhnya. Amat penting untuk kita fahami kehidupan dan psikologi masyarakat pada masa itu. Ada logiknya, ada rasionalnya Al-Qur'an tetapkan sedemikian sesuai dengan keadaan tersebut.

Dia dituduh sebagai murtad oleh para islamis Mesir kerana dia berpendapat bahawa dalam hal mengenal Al Qur'an kita harus fahami cara Al Qur'an berkomunikasi dengan manusia dan sejarah penurunan wahyu. Al Qur'an adalah satu medium komunikasi antara Pencipta dengan manusia.

You Will Never Be Forgotten - Bella Lugosi ~

BELLA LUGOSI

(20 October 1882 – 16 August 1956)

~ a.k.a Count Dracula ~

Dracula adapted by Hamilton Deane and John L. Balderston from Bram Stoker's novel.

 Was one of the most talented actor ever played the villain character as such

DRACULA
MURDER'S IN THE RUE MORGUE
THE RAVEN

SON OF FRENKENSTEIN
WHITE ZOMBIE

Tumbling Down The Rabbit Hole~

Honestly - I'm exhausted. 

I can feel that I'm that I'm starting to loose my faith.

And I'm so caught in it.God is paying me His debts.

~

There used to be time where you can just hanging out with your friends and does'nt have to give a fuck about what's gonna happen to you. You're life is fucking perfect - You have your best friends , You're a brilliant student , You have the best job in the whole wide world , Money and Parent who loves you for who you are. All of a sudden, It's just gone. You got no one - nobody. The moment you realize it , It's just too late.

~

I keep having this dream - My life is tumbling down for the past 3 years of my life. It's this shit that keep giving me nightmares. And It's finally happen.

You can't sleep at night. 

It's Karma ,

turning you're life upside down

and

bite you the fuck out.

Yeah...
It's my life...
But all in words I guess...

[Eminem]
Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
When they know they're your heart
And you know you were their armour
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm 'em
But what happens when karma, turns right around and bites you?
And everything you stand for, turns on you, despite you?
What happens when you become the main source of a pain?
"Daddy look what I made", Dad's gotta go catch a plane
"Daddy where's Mommy? I can't find Mommy where is she?"
I don't know go play Hailie, baby, your Daddy's busy
Daddy's writing this song, this song ain't gonna write itself
I'll give you one underdog then you gotta swing by yourself
Then turn right around on that song and tell her you love her
And put hands on her mother, who's a spitting image of her
That's Slim Shady, yeah baby, Slim Shady's crazy
Shady made me, but tonight Shady's rocka-by-baby...

[Chorus]
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back
And when I'm gone, just carry on, don't mourn
Rejoice every time you hear the sound of my voice
Just know that I'm looking down on you smiling
And I didn't feel a thing, So baby don't feel no pain
Just smile back...

[Eminem]
I keep having this dream, I'm pushin' Hailie on the swing
She keeps screaming, she don't want me to sing
"You're making Mommy cry, why? Why is Mommy crying?"
Baby, Daddy ain't leaving no more, "Daddy you're lying
"You always say that, you always say this is the last time
"But you ain't leaving no more, Daddy you're mine"
She's piling boxes in front of the door trying to block it
"Daddy please, Daddy don't leave, Daddy - no stop it!"
Goes in her pocket, pulls out a tiny necklace locket
It's got a picture, "this'll keep you safe Daddy, take it withcha'"
I look up, it's just me standing in the mirror
These fuckin' walls must be talking, cause man I can hear 'em
They're saying "You've got one more chance to do right" - and it's to-night
Now go out there and show that you love 'em before it's too late
And just as I go to walk out of my bedroom door
It's turns to a stage, they're gone, and this spotlight is on
And I'm singing...

[Chorus]

[Eminem]
Sixty thousand people, all jumping out their seat
The curtain closes, they're throwing roses at my feet
I take a bow and thank you all for coming out
They're screaming so loud, I take one last look at the crowd
I glance down, I don't believe what I'm seeing
"Daddy it's me, help Mommy, her wrists are bleeding"
But baby we're in Sweden, how did you get to Sweden?
"I followed you Daddy, you told me that you weren't leavin'
"You lied to me Dad, and now you make Mommy sad
"And I bought you this coin, it says 'Number One Dad'
"That's all I wanted, I just want to give you this coin"
"I get the point - fine, me and Mommy are gone"
But baby wait, "it's too late Dad, you made the choice
"Now go up there and show 'em that you love 'em more than us"
That's what they want, they want you Marshall, they keep.. screamin' your name
It's no wonder you can't go to sleep, just take another pill
Yeah, I bet you you will. You rap about it, yeah, word, k-keep it real
I hear applause, all this time I couldn't see
How could it be, that the curtain is closing on me
I turn around, find a gun on the ground, cock it
Put it to my brain and scream "Die Shady" and pop it
The sky darkens, my life flashes, the plane that I was
supposed to be on crashes and burns to ashes
That's when I wake up, alarm clock's ringin', there's birds singin'
It's Spring and Hailie's outside swinging, I walk up to Kim and kiss her
Tell her I miss her, Hailie just smiles and winks at her little sister
Almost as if to say..

[Chorus]

always feel intimidated by him~

I don't know how to react .

~

Whether this is love or just a big time wasted approach towards a relationship or just a bomb waiting to go on and all of a sudden it ends  without me even know it. Seriously, I don't know how to react and I don't even know how to respond. And yes, I'm in love with him.  

~

(gambor baru matured)

I have to admit that I always feel intimidated by him in every way. He's smart, easy-going and sweet in my eyes. His sense of humor, intelligence and sensitivity often makes me feel so happy. Talking to him the second time is a big turn on in my life.I feel calm, happy and no doubt that love is in the air! ( I'm not kidding, this is genuinely beyond my expectation when it comes to stranger ) I know, he's a stranger
 and I have no reason to feel so. But this is different, I kept thinking about him and yes, most of the time. He's cute and adorable. You can call me crazy this time which I rarely be.

~

 He's soooo cute! ( aku mmg surrender bila tgk gambaq ni, dia sgt cute!)

And, I don't even know why I post his picture. But one thing I do know, I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM!!! This so bad, because of the fact that I don't have that fucking courage to tell him what I feel. Part of me - I love him. And the other part, which is my biggest problem is the fact that he's so intimidating. Intimidating in terms of intelligence and age. Yup! Age does matters. Why? Because of the fact that age difference differentiates us in terms of our way of thinking and what we want in our life. Older guy tend to have the needs to get married which I wanted it too.But, I just feel that marriage is definitely far beyond from what I want for the time being. But yes, I wanted it someday.

~

( aku suka yg bulu2 kat muka! Ahak! )

For me, He's different. He got he's own way of presenting himself to the world.It takes great courage to be who you wanted to be and not give a damn about what others think of you, which I can't even do it because I do care about what others think of me (and yet he can!) He gave me sleepless night every time I look at his picture.

~

The song that he posted on he's wall.It's he's way of telling me that he's falling in love with me! Huhu! It's because of this song that gave me sleepless night.
~
I will never find another luva sweeta than you,
Sweeta than you
And I will never find anutha luva more precious than you
More precious than you
Girl you are
Close to me you're like my mother
Close to me you're like my father
Close to me you're like my sister
Close to me you're like my brutha
You are the only one my everything and for you this song I sing

And all my life
I've prayed for someone like you
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life
I've prayed for someone like you
And I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do love me too

I said you're all that I'm thinkin' of.....baby

Said, I promise to never fall in love with a stranger
You're all I'm thinkin' of, I praise the Lord above
For sending me your love, I cherish every hug
I really love you

And all my life, baby, baby, I've prayed for someone like you,
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you, baby
All my life I've prayed for someone like you
And I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes, I pray that you do love me

You're all that I ever known
When you smile, on my face, all I see is a glow
You turned my life around
You picked me up when I was down
You're all that I ever known
When you smile on your face all I see is a glow
You picked me up when I was down
You're all that I ever known
When you smile on your face all I see is a glow
You picked me up when I was down
And I hope that you feel the same way too
Yes I pray that you do love me too

All my life
I've prayed for someone like you
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life I've prayed for someone like you
Yes, I pray that you do love me too
All my life I've prayed for someone like you
And I thank God that I, that I finally found you
All my life I've prayed for someone like you
Yes, I pray that you do love me too
 ~

( bila hati dah suka - aku suka gaya beliau! )

My biggest problem is - Of course I'm such a coward to tell him that I feel the same way as he does. He's just too intimidating and sweet. And I'm just a wasted, country kid full of weird imagination about being a Vampire.
~

The song that I posted in my wall - My way of telling him " Dear stranger, I'm talking to you and YES I feel the same way " .Why this song? Because of this

(sama kan??? Ahak! Bob Marley = Mesin Cetak! Hensemmmmm! )

Still, I'm too chicken-shit to talk to him directly that I feel the same way - I L o v e U  T o o . May God give me the courage to speak to him. I hope that this is the beginning of my love life and I hope to God that he's the one.
~

~ I'M IN LOVE ~

You'll never know how much I really love you.
You'll never know how much I really care.

Listen,
Do you want to know a secret?,
Do you promise not to tell?, whoa oh, oh.

Closer,
Let me whisper in your ear,
Say the words you long to hear,
I'm in love with you.

Listen,
Do you want to know a secret?,
Do you promise not to tell?, whoa oh, oh.

Closer,
Let me whisper in your ear,
Say the words you long to hear,
I'm in love with you.

I've known the secret for a week or two,
Nobody knows, just we two.

Listen,
Do you want to know a secret?,
Do you promise not to tell?, whoa oh, oh.

Closer,
Let me whisper in your ear,
Say the words you long to hear,
I'm in love with you.

~

Behold, the cryptozoological scientific specimens of Alex CF!

                                                                   

                        ~ The one mad-TALENTED-freak = Alex CF.~

Who Is This Dude ? 

He is the curator and custodian of the Merrylin Cryptid collection. The study and documentation of the evolution and biology of unclassified species and research pertaining to prehistoric human and non human civilization.

His Book 

~ Many Dead Things - The Specimen Of Lord Merrylin ~

He had released a book, detailing the collection up until 2009, but much more is yet to uncovered. Documenting and analyzing the collection takes a great deal of time and money.

The Collection

~

~ The Lycanthropy (werewolf) research of Edward Harrell ~

 ~  Vampyr Research Reliquary ~

 

Visit :: http://alexcf.com/blog/?page_id=5 ::

 ~ His Official Blog ~

Pretty, pretty,shiny,Shiny~

~ I L o v e  J e w e l r y ~

~ It's part of us ~
Woman

~ Always wear 'em too much ~

Dark~Goth~Vintage~Bohemian~

~ Rock and Roll ~

A Prayers to god~

 Dear GOD,

          This is my prayers to you.

 ALLAH, THE ALMIGHTY GOD. For all this while I have been searching for nothing more than your blessings and attention. 

O God, Please don't ever abandoned me.

Please guide me!

Grant me Your love!

amin 
~

~ My Prayers Forever Accompanying You ~

         Once again, I send you a letter with the hope that it finds you well. In all honesty, whenever you were gone, the emptiness in my heart becomes unbearable and i wish i could do this in person while holding you in my arms. 

 

         I think of you everyday------I have lived for a long time dependent upon no one and committed to no one except myself, I consider the world is mine for the taking and truly i believed i was living life to the fullest. Then you come into the picture, and all of a sudden I realize that i was fooling myself.

My,

        I am an incomplete woman in need of wholeness. I find that my life is not all that i thought it was. It's terribly lacking in many things, the foremost being love. Now, through some great fortune, I have found that love and a long with it the one person who can make my life truly complete. 

YOU are that person, and i have somehow fallen hopelessly and undeniably in love with YOU. To be honest, I never thought i would ever utter those words, but now, they come fourth effortlessly and with great sincerity. 

I'll be forever grateful to YOU for showing me just how shallow my heart was. 

I will remain totally yours in thought, heart and soul .

~ Johnny Hollow Alchemy ~

The Blood Countess : Elizabeth Bathory ~

ELIZABETH BATHORY 

(1560-1614 )

A Brief History

Elizabeth Bathory is born into one of the oldest and wealthiest families in Transylvania. Her family had many powerful relatives -- a cardinal, princes, and a cousin who was prime minister of Hungary are among these relatives. The most famous relative was Istvan Bathory (1533-86). Istvan was prince of Transylvania and king of poland from 1575-86. It has been said that At around the age of 4 or 5, Elizabeth had violent seizures. These may have been caused by epilepsy or another neurological disorder and may have something to do with her "psychotic" behavior later in life.

~ Bathory & Nadasdy crest ~

1575: Age 15, Elizabeth married Count Ferenc Nadasdy . The Count was  26 years of age. The count took Elizabeth's surname so that she could keep her name. In Slovak this Castle is named Cachtice. The count spent a great deal of time away from home fighting in wars and for this he was nicknamed "The Black Hero of Hungary". While her husband was away Elizabeth's manservant Thorko introduced her to the occult. For a brief time Elizabeth eloped with a "dark stranger". Upon her return to Castle Cachtice the count did forgive her for her leaving. Back at the castle, Elizabeth couldn't tolerate her domineering mother-in-law. With the help of her old nurse Ilona Joo, she began to torture the servant girls. Her other accomplices included the major-domo János Ujvary , Thorko, a forest witch named Darvula and a witch Dorottya Szentes. The first ten years of their marriage, Elizabeth bore no children because she and Ferenc shared so little time together as he pursued his "career." 

1600: At age 51, Count Ferenc died in battle and thus began Elizabeth's period of atrocities. First, she sent her hated mother-in-law away from the Castle. By this time it is thought that she had dabbled into some forms of sorcery, attending rituals that included the sacrificing of horses and other animals. Elizabeth, now 40 years old, grew increasingly vain and she feared the thought of aging as she may lose her beauty. One day a servant girl accidentially pulled her hair while combing it. Elizabeth slapped the girl's hand so hard she drew blood. The girls blood fell into ELizabeth's hand and she immediately thought that her skin took on the freshness of her young maid. She believed that she had found the secret of eternal youth. Elizabeth had her major-domo and Thorko strip the maid and then cut her and drain her blood into a huge vat. Elizabeth bathed in it to beautify her entire body.

1600 - 1610: Elizabeth's henchmen continued to provided Elizabeth with new girls for the blood-draining ritual and her blood baths. Elizabeth went out of her way to see to it that the dead girls were given proper Christian burials by the local Protestant pastor, at least initially. As the body count rose, the pastor refused to perform his duties in this respect, because there were too many girls coming to him from Elizabeth who had died of "unknown and mysterious causes." She then threatened him in order to keep him from spreading the news of her "hobby" and continued to have the bodies buried secretly. Near the end, many bodies were disposed of in haphazard and dangerously conspicuous locations (like nearby fields, wheat silos, the stream running behind the castle, the kitchen vegetable garden, etc.).  But one of her intended victims escaped and told the authorities about what was happening at Castle Cachtice. King of Hungary ordered Elizabeth's own cousin, Count György Thurzo, governor of the province to raid the castle. On December 30, 1610 they raided the castle and they were horrified by the terrible sights. One dead girl in the main room, drained of blood and another alive whose body had been pierced with holes. In the dungeon they discovered several living girls, some of whose bodies had been pierced several times. Below the castle, they exhumed the bodies of some 50 girls.

1611: A trial was held at Bitcse. Elizabeth, who refused to plead either guilty or innocent, and never appeared in the trial.. At this trial Johannes Ujvary, major-domo, testified that about 37 unmarried girls has been killed, six of whom he had personally recruited to work at the castle. The trial revealed that most of the girls were tortured for weeks or even months. They were cut with scissors, pricked with pins, even prodded with burning irons onto short spikes in a cage hung from the ceiling to provide Bathory with a "blood shower". Sometimes the two witches tortured these girls, or the Countess did it herself. Elizabeth's old nurse testified that about 40 girls had been tortured and killed. In fact, Elizabeth killed 612 women -- and in her diary, she documented their deaths. A complete transcript of the trial was made at the time and it survices today in Hungary. Of the people involved in these killings, all but Countess Bathory and the two witches were beheaded and cremated. Due to her nobility, Elizabeth was not allowed by law to be executed. The tow accomplices had their fingers torn out and were burned alive. The court never convicted Countess Elizabeth of any crime, however she was put under house arrest. She was sentenced to life imprisonment in her torture chamber and stonemasons were brought to wall up the windows and doors of the with the Countess inside. They left a small hole through which food could be passed. King Mátyás II demanded the death penalty for Elizabeth but because of her cousin, the prime minister, he agreed to an indefinitely delayed sentence, which really meant solitary confinement for life.

~ An album from The Cradle of Filth : Cruelty and The Beast ~

1614: On July 31 Elizabeth (age 54) dictated her last will and testament to two cathedral priests from the Esztergom bishopric. She wished that what remained of her family holdings be divided up equally among her children, her son Paul and his descendants were the basic inheritors though. Late in August of the year 1614 one of the countess's jailers wanted to get a good look at her, since she was still reputedly one of the most beautiful women in Hungary. Peeking through the small aperture in her walled-up cell, he saw her lying face down on the floor. Countess Elizabeth Bathory was dead. Her body was intended to be buried in the church in the town of Cachtice, but the grumbling of local inhabitants found abhorrent the idea of having the "infamous Lady" placed in their town, on hallowed ground no less! Considering this, and the fact that she was "one of the last of the descendants of the Ecsed line of the Bathory family", her body was placed to the northeastern Hungarian town of Ecsed, the original Bathory family seat.

~ Cradle Of Filth : Bathory Aria ~